RIP MJ + Media Hype = Barf

June 27th, 2009

Please excuse me while I blow chunks.

Use for regurgitated media hype

Use for regurgitated media hype

It’s only been one day and I’m already throwing up my lunch over this Michael Jackson media vomit.  The guy is now dead: it seems that is the story of the year but that’s just the beginning of his afterlife media regurgitation for the decade to come.  Let’s take an advance look at what will be filling the spew recycling bowls of the newscasts and the internet.

1.  We will need to see the battle saga over MJ’s children.

2.  Dr. Feelgood Pill-Pusher will have some gory glory.

3.  The question of whether Michael Jackson was worth millions or in multimillion $ debt will be bandied about until we’re sick of it.

4.  The question of whether Jackson is really dead, or working as a Walmart clerk with Elvis in Arkansas, will continue forever.

5.  Doubtlessly a raft of unauthorized biographies are headed for the publishers already.  These will take up rows of bookstore shelves.  The pages will best be used for wiping the corner of the mouth after puking.

6.  Mimes of the world will start wearing Michael Jackson black wigs and wearing one glove – they won’t have to change the color of their facial grease-paint.
Click to Get Some Fake Vomit to Glue on your TV Screen

Barf on the TV instead

Barf on the TV instead

7.  Every celebrity interviewed in the next several months will have to shed a mock tear and offer some trite platitude to the fallen king of pop.

8. I don’t even want to think about the media vomit that will occur on June 24, 2010.

9.  First though, there will be the stomach-turning state funeral.  Or helicopter coverage of a private internment with a red carpet for those attending celebrities.

10. Perhaps there will even be a best-dressed list made of the starlets in black.

11.  I’m sick of imagining the spittle and puke dripping out of the pundit’s mouths over the near future.

Please feel free to add to this list of barf-inducing expectations.  Russell Twyce

RIP MJ – In this celebrity-stupid world R.I.P. means Recycled Into Puke.

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Story of the Year – Michael Jackson Dies

June 26th, 2009

Michael Jackson memorabilia and merchandise is just flying off the shelves right now.   I’m personally selling the sequined glove that I obtained by shaking the King of Pop’s hand extra firmly – go ahead and get it DNA tested to make sure it’s got MJ’s pasty white skin flakes inside.  Was Michael’s death really from anal cancer?  Oh no: that was Farrah Fawcett: it’s so confusing when celebrities have the nerve to pass within hours of each other.  Then a Jeff Goldblum death hoax rippled around twitter sending gear with his name on it shooting up on Ebay.  I just wish someone would propagate a rumor of my demise: maybe my novel would sell a copy or two.

Here is my contribution to the Story of the Year consumer frenzy:
Deluxe Michael Jackson Thriller Halloween Costume Mask
(Reported King of Pop sightings might rival those of the deceased ‘King’ Elvis)

Michael’s death at 50 years old really should prove to everyone that he was actually innocent of the infamous child molestation charge-‘only the good die young’. That trite phrase proves by Jackson’s early death, that the utterly anal justice system is NOT the verdict-for-cash deal everyone really believes it is (cough-cough). Actually, one might have expected Michael Jackson to pass away of anal cancer after the butt rape the media gave his [UNTRIED] reputation before and during his high-visibility child molestation case.
My point here: (do I really have one) is that fame is wasted on the famous. Michael Jackson made his fame and then tried to avoid it: just as every other celebrity seems to do too. I think his one chance to make a real statement for truth came and went at his trial. Instead of saying: “from the judge, to the lawyers, and the court reporter, you’re all just money-grubbing slough-sharks and your non-justice law system is a crime against humanity”, Michael Jackson just meekly begged: “let me have my day in court.” And his highly paid lawyer bought the verdict at the expense of whatever reputation Michael had left – after the press was finished raking him over. Where is justice? It doesn’t exist in the rule-of law because the rule-of-law is a giant sham.
I hope one day someone with the fame make a difference will by saying something meaningful instead of only self-serving tripe-but I’m not holding my breath. Oh well, goodbye Michael: I know you’re in a better place so I envy you for that. You were a damn fine musician and a hell-of-a moonwalker, but like every other celebrity, alive or dead, you were just a façade of something that might’ve been special.

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Cinderella learns of reality

June 13th, 2009

Once upon a hopefully not too distant future time from now, Cinderella goes on a search for stories.  The story of her years has been the truth or fiction drudgery of the cinders and she longs to meet her messenger.  Then one day her story searching took her to place she’d never seen before and one story took her interest.  It was ‘How to make the world better’ and Cinderella’s world certainly needed to be better.

Though the stories were entertaining, she soon found the theme also contained a subliminal message.  ‘Is this a book of truth or fiction?’  She wondered aloud and then read the author’s name ‘Faye Rhea Godmother’.  I see now that my stepmother is the law that rules my life, but that she has evil intent.  ‘She is purposefully holding me back, so she can profit from my labors.’

Then one day Prince Charming rode into her life.  He offered to rescue her from the evil stepmother but Cinderella’s search for stories had granted her some wisdom.

“I could’ve left my stepmother’s rule anytime I felt like it, but there was nowhere to go because the true evil is the rule-of-law: it empowers those of evil intent to freely perpetrate their evil.  Law is not a system to keep us safe from harm, it only enslaves us to its nasty will and prevents us from growing to what we could become.”

“I’m the King’s son.”  Prince Charming said.  “I can have any law that you don’t like amended.”

“What then makes you different from my evil stepmother?”  Cinderella pushed him away.  “I’d rather write stories on how to make the world better.  And my stories, added to Faye Rhea Godmother’s ones, will make a slightly larger group.  They larger collection will make it easier for someone else on a search for stories find the ones they are really searching for, amid the pile of crap on the bestselling scrolls list.

“I’ll ask for a law making it illegal for you to spurn me.”  Prince Charming said in a less than charming tone.  “My palace dragoons could lock you in my dungeon.”

“Read this.”  Cinderella handed him the book her search for stories had uncovered.  “If you come to understand it, then come back for me: if not, then I’m certain that one of my stepsisters wouldn’t find the attentions of a wealthy prince unwelcome.”

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